DAILY BUMBLE BEE BACK ISSUES ARE NOW SAVED IN THEIR ENTIRETY!
September 5, 2009, issue no 7
September 4 2009 issue no 6
-----------------------------------------
AUGUST 26
THE OMNISCENT:
ASK ANYTHING:
Actual questions from real readers; these are not put-up, fake questions.
Q - Dear Omniscient (or Omniscent, either one):
If you know everything, how come you don't know how to spell "Omnisicient"? (See the
headline above this feature.)
--Spelling Champ, Fenstertown, U. S. A.
A - Humility is all, my child. Signed, The Omniscient
---------------------------------------
THE DIVINE PRIVILEGE TO ROOT, ROOT, ROOT
We wake up this morning to find that the Washington Nationals are 28 1/2 games out of
the lead in their division. Isn't is wonderful?
We Nationals fans are given a daily homily to remind us that every day is new -- at least
for the Nationals. After all, at the beginning, the score is always zero-zero. This team is
trying to tell us that no one is ever behind in the morning.
Sweep aside that dreary long-term thinking and root for the Nationals.
--------------------------------------
At the ballpark
CHARITY FOR
RICH KIDS
Whenever a player or a ballboy retrieves a ball these days, he tosses it to a youngster in
the first row of seats.
Why does a kid in a hundred-dollar seat need a present?
------------
IN MEMORIAM
We have received news of the passing of Amanda Lake and are unable to believe it yet.
Expert at all she tried, from sailing to academics, she lent irresistable enthusiasm to the
lives of her very fortunate friends.
Amanda lived in Fair Haven, Massachusetts, in a 19th-century house she worked hard to
find. She filled it with antiques inherited from her beloved father, the Rev. Benjamin Lake
and her mother, Cynthia Woodger. Amanda was a graduate of Hamilton College.
The editor of the DAILY BUMBLE BEE had not talked with Amanda in several months.
In Amanda's bright memory, perhaps all readers might be reminded to call an old friend
today.
-------------------------------------
Our Witty Readers:
To the Editor:
What's this I hear about your bringing out a book about my cousin Grace's husband
Louis? It had better be flattering, hear?! My family won't stand for no hatchet job.
--Lizzie Borden, Hell, The Great Beyond
The only way to know for sure is to order a copy of FDR's SHADOW -- and to pay the
retail price, of course. - ed
--------------------------------------
EXTRA EXTRA -
PUMPERNICKEL IS
ALMOST BETTER
Pumpernickel appears to be putting weight on his injured right front foot. He had been
limping for over a week, after sustaining an injury in a fight with Kipper, the dog on whom he
normally dotes.
Pumpernickel was at no time impeded in his renowned jumping ability, leading several
onlookers to suggest that he was either faking his injury or suffering from a type of hysterical
disability.
Pumpernickel's complete recovery is now assured.
------------------------------------
by Kipper
Today Maman burned the top of the grilled cheese sandwiches and I got to eat the evidence
before anybody saw.
Tomato August 25, 2009
A Loaf of Bread, a bottle of Hellman's and Thou - Pictured above is the record-breaking
tomato grown by the BUMBLE BEE editor. It is not only the largest, but the only that she has
ever grown in ten years of trying. Beset by rapacious deer, earthen fungi, black spot, yellow
leaf, tomato weevils, blights, and cooties of every origin, localized droughts, micro-floods,
creative differences and a general llack of interest on the part of the plants, she has never got
her tomato. That is: one born and bred in the 21st century that tastes like a tomato. and not a
lacrosse ball Tomorrow: THE sandwich, was it worth the wait??
---------------------------------------------------
Movie Review:
JULIE AND JULIA
Counterpoint from a reader to our review of the new movie:
BUMBLE BEE:
I agree the "Julie" story in "Julie and Julia" was the weaker of the two interleaved plots.
But it was necessary to the film for a few reasons. First, it sets up a contrast with Julia
Child's 1950s world. The 1950s women were barely taken seriously, in the current era
they put together million dollar deals.
Second, the biopic has been reduced to a formula over the years. So much so that it's
easily parodied (e.g. John Reilly's "Walk Hard"). Ms Ephron needed to avoid the cliches.
And finally, the juxtaposition of contemporary America with the 50s brought into focus
earlier laissez faire attitudes about food with today's pretentiousness. (Julie lived over a
pizza shop, after all.) -Philip F.
As to "some opportunistic blogger riding coattails to fame", Julia Child rode Louisette
Berholle and Simone Beck's coattails before that. (Be careful flinging those coattails
around, or you may be visited by three ghosts: Jackson, Wells and Morton.)
OUR REVIEW OF THE MOVIE:
Usually, if this reviewer says that half of a movie is good, the reader assumes that either the
first half or the second half is worthwhile. Julie and Julia is not that simple. It zigzags.
One plotline, concerning Julia Child's start as a cookbook author, is full of life, which is to say,
intriguing characters is a variety of moods. It reflects new strength on the part of director
Nora Ephron. The intervening story about some opportunist blogger who rides Child's
coattails to fame, is rather the usual shallow Ephron effort. "Sleepless in Queens" could be
the title of that part of the movie.
So? Go to see Julie and Julia to bask in the charm of a trip to Paris with the Childs. And don't
forget, we must all encourage Hollywood to make movies about human beings -- who have to
get through life without special effects.
.........................................................................................................................................
AUGUST 23
Q - Why is FDR'S SHADOW SO VERY WONDERFUL? signed, Julie F., New York
A - That sounds like a put-up, fake question to me. signed, Julie F, the Omniscient
See, I do know everything!
-----------------
A Chauvanist By Any Other Name
Has anyone else ever noticed that Charlie Rose, the PBS television host, doesn't think much of
women on his show?
More than eighty percent of his guests -- "America's best thinkers, writers, politicians, athletes,
entertainers, business leaders, scientists and other newsmakers" in his estimation -- are male.
Rather preposterous, Mr. Rose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IS IT ALLEGORY OR IS IT ANOTHER DAY IN FENSTERTOWN? You Decide --
From our Political Editor:
At the Fenstertown city council meeting, Mayor Sarah went into a rant about "inaccuracies in the
media". As the BUMBLE BEE is the only media in town, her comments were clearly directed
toward your humble editor. I will not rise to her bait. Not because of journalistic ethics
(obviously), but because she's a dimwit (obviously).
Her comments arose during a discussion of sewage pipe engineering specifications -- an issue
covered meticulously in your Bee. Our editorial position in opposition to the 3" steel reinforced
type-L flange design (Bumble Bee, 11/20/2008) no doubt played a part in her outburst. -PDF
AUGUST 22 STORIES
World's Greatest
Athlete" Slightly IImproved
Dateline Fenstertown - August 22. Pumpernickel is still limping, but he is putting some weight on
his injured leg.
Readers of the DAILY BUMBLE BEE may recall that Pumpy and Kipper had a fight on August 16.
Pumpy acquitted himself well, considering his five-to-one weight disadvantage.
Look to this space for updates on the condition of the "World's Greatest Athlete."
*****
Athletes we are ignoring:
Bret Favre - Minn.Vikings
Manny Ramirez - L.A. Dodgers
Terrell Owens - Buffalo Bills
We are sorry to do this to you, but you are boring, despite what your publicists tell you.
****
THE OMNISCIENT
Q - What was the USS Shangri-La during World War Two? I read that Franklin Roosevelt used it.
- Hal J., Doylestown, Penn.
A - Well, it certainly couldn't sink. The USS Shangri-La was the original name for the
presidential retreat now known as Camp David.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
AUGUST 20 stories
World's Greatest
Athlete" Sidelined
Dateline Fenstertown - August 20. Pumpernickel is limping.
He and Kipper got into a fight and now Pumpy is gimpy.
The injured cat has been to see the veterinarian. He is still, pound for pound, the greatest
athlete in the world, but for the moment, he is locked in an extra bedroom to reduce his
inclination to
walk on the ceiling and fly through the air -- the show-off.
Look to this space for updates from the spare bedroom.
September 5, 2009, issue no 7
September 4 2009 issue no 6
-----------------------------------------
AUGUST 26
THE OMNISCENT:
ASK ANYTHING:
Actual questions from real readers; these are not put-up, fake questions.
Q - Dear Omniscient (or Omniscent, either one):
If you know everything, how come you don't know how to spell "Omnisicient"? (See the
headline above this feature.)
--Spelling Champ, Fenstertown, U. S. A.
A - Humility is all, my child. Signed, The Omniscient
---------------------------------------
THE DIVINE PRIVILEGE TO ROOT, ROOT, ROOT
We wake up this morning to find that the Washington Nationals are 28 1/2 games out of
the lead in their division. Isn't is wonderful?
We Nationals fans are given a daily homily to remind us that every day is new -- at least
for the Nationals. After all, at the beginning, the score is always zero-zero. This team is
trying to tell us that no one is ever behind in the morning.
Sweep aside that dreary long-term thinking and root for the Nationals.
--------------------------------------
At the ballpark
CHARITY FOR
RICH KIDS
Whenever a player or a ballboy retrieves a ball these days, he tosses it to a youngster in
the first row of seats.
Why does a kid in a hundred-dollar seat need a present?
------------
IN MEMORIAM
We have received news of the passing of Amanda Lake and are unable to believe it yet.
Expert at all she tried, from sailing to academics, she lent irresistable enthusiasm to the
lives of her very fortunate friends.
Amanda lived in Fair Haven, Massachusetts, in a 19th-century house she worked hard to
find. She filled it with antiques inherited from her beloved father, the Rev. Benjamin Lake
and her mother, Cynthia Woodger. Amanda was a graduate of Hamilton College.
The editor of the DAILY BUMBLE BEE had not talked with Amanda in several months.
In Amanda's bright memory, perhaps all readers might be reminded to call an old friend
today.
-------------------------------------
Our Witty Readers:
To the Editor:
What's this I hear about your bringing out a book about my cousin Grace's husband
Louis? It had better be flattering, hear?! My family won't stand for no hatchet job.
--Lizzie Borden, Hell, The Great Beyond
The only way to know for sure is to order a copy of FDR's SHADOW -- and to pay the
retail price, of course. - ed
--------------------------------------
EXTRA EXTRA -
PUMPERNICKEL IS
ALMOST BETTER
Pumpernickel appears to be putting weight on his injured right front foot. He had been
limping for over a week, after sustaining an injury in a fight with Kipper, the dog on whom he
normally dotes.
Pumpernickel was at no time impeded in his renowned jumping ability, leading several
onlookers to suggest that he was either faking his injury or suffering from a type of hysterical
disability.
Pumpernickel's complete recovery is now assured.
------------------------------------
by Kipper
Today Maman burned the top of the grilled cheese sandwiches and I got to eat the evidence
before anybody saw.
Tomato August 25, 2009
A Loaf of Bread, a bottle of Hellman's and Thou - Pictured above is the record-breaking
tomato grown by the BUMBLE BEE editor. It is not only the largest, but the only that she has
ever grown in ten years of trying. Beset by rapacious deer, earthen fungi, black spot, yellow
leaf, tomato weevils, blights, and cooties of every origin, localized droughts, micro-floods,
creative differences and a general llack of interest on the part of the plants, she has never got
her tomato. That is: one born and bred in the 21st century that tastes like a tomato. and not a
lacrosse ball Tomorrow: THE sandwich, was it worth the wait??
---------------------------------------------------
Movie Review:
JULIE AND JULIA
Counterpoint from a reader to our review of the new movie:
BUMBLE BEE:
I agree the "Julie" story in "Julie and Julia" was the weaker of the two interleaved plots.
But it was necessary to the film for a few reasons. First, it sets up a contrast with Julia
Child's 1950s world. The 1950s women were barely taken seriously, in the current era
they put together million dollar deals.
Second, the biopic has been reduced to a formula over the years. So much so that it's
easily parodied (e.g. John Reilly's "Walk Hard"). Ms Ephron needed to avoid the cliches.
And finally, the juxtaposition of contemporary America with the 50s brought into focus
earlier laissez faire attitudes about food with today's pretentiousness. (Julie lived over a
pizza shop, after all.) -Philip F.
As to "some opportunistic blogger riding coattails to fame", Julia Child rode Louisette
Berholle and Simone Beck's coattails before that. (Be careful flinging those coattails
around, or you may be visited by three ghosts: Jackson, Wells and Morton.)
OUR REVIEW OF THE MOVIE:
Usually, if this reviewer says that half of a movie is good, the reader assumes that either the
first half or the second half is worthwhile. Julie and Julia is not that simple. It zigzags.
One plotline, concerning Julia Child's start as a cookbook author, is full of life, which is to say,
intriguing characters is a variety of moods. It reflects new strength on the part of director
Nora Ephron. The intervening story about some opportunist blogger who rides Child's
coattails to fame, is rather the usual shallow Ephron effort. "Sleepless in Queens" could be
the title of that part of the movie.
So? Go to see Julie and Julia to bask in the charm of a trip to Paris with the Childs. And don't
forget, we must all encourage Hollywood to make movies about human beings -- who have to
get through life without special effects.
.........................................................................................................................................
AUGUST 23
Q - Why is FDR'S SHADOW SO VERY WONDERFUL? signed, Julie F., New York
A - That sounds like a put-up, fake question to me. signed, Julie F, the Omniscient
See, I do know everything!
-----------------
A Chauvanist By Any Other Name
Has anyone else ever noticed that Charlie Rose, the PBS television host, doesn't think much of
women on his show?
More than eighty percent of his guests -- "America's best thinkers, writers, politicians, athletes,
entertainers, business leaders, scientists and other newsmakers" in his estimation -- are male.
Rather preposterous, Mr. Rose.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IS IT ALLEGORY OR IS IT ANOTHER DAY IN FENSTERTOWN? You Decide --
From our Political Editor:
At the Fenstertown city council meeting, Mayor Sarah went into a rant about "inaccuracies in the
media". As the BUMBLE BEE is the only media in town, her comments were clearly directed
toward your humble editor. I will not rise to her bait. Not because of journalistic ethics
(obviously), but because she's a dimwit (obviously).
Her comments arose during a discussion of sewage pipe engineering specifications -- an issue
covered meticulously in your Bee. Our editorial position in opposition to the 3" steel reinforced
type-L flange design (Bumble Bee, 11/20/2008) no doubt played a part in her outburst. -PDF
AUGUST 22 STORIES
World's Greatest
Athlete" Slightly IImproved
Dateline Fenstertown - August 22. Pumpernickel is still limping, but he is putting some weight on
his injured leg.
Readers of the DAILY BUMBLE BEE may recall that Pumpy and Kipper had a fight on August 16.
Pumpy acquitted himself well, considering his five-to-one weight disadvantage.
Look to this space for updates on the condition of the "World's Greatest Athlete."
*****
Athletes we are ignoring:
Bret Favre - Minn.Vikings
Manny Ramirez - L.A. Dodgers
Terrell Owens - Buffalo Bills
We are sorry to do this to you, but you are boring, despite what your publicists tell you.
****
THE OMNISCIENT
Q - What was the USS Shangri-La during World War Two? I read that Franklin Roosevelt used it.
- Hal J., Doylestown, Penn.
A - Well, it certainly couldn't sink. The USS Shangri-La was the original name for the
presidential retreat now known as Camp David.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------
AUGUST 20 stories
World's Greatest
Athlete" Sidelined
Dateline Fenstertown - August 20. Pumpernickel is limping.
He and Kipper got into a fight and now Pumpy is gimpy.
The injured cat has been to see the veterinarian. He is still, pound for pound, the greatest
athlete in the world, but for the moment, he is locked in an extra bedroom to reduce his
inclination to
walk on the ceiling and fly through the air -- the show-off.
Look to this space for updates from the spare bedroom.
