CHINA DOLL
by Philip D. Fenster
continued from Front Page
cigarette.
She knew he was disappointed about
dinner. But she thought herself lucky
to be married again. And happy to be
in America, closer to her beloved
daughter.
A few minutes later Ron Anderson
walked over to the table at the sound
of dishes and pots in the kitchen as his
wife finished getting his dinner ready.
She put a plate of noodles with cheese
sauce in front of him as he sat down.
He notched his cigarette into an ash
tray, the smoke spiraling around the
table.
“About time,” he mumbled as he
started eating.
Mei-Hua was cooking some stir fry
vegetables for her noodles. She
worked efficiently despite not having a
wok.
“Quiet down,” Ron shouted. “I can't
hear the TV.”
She worked more slowly. A few
minutes later she sat with her plate.
She ate quietly. Her husband finished
first and walked back to the
television leaving Mei-Hua to eat
alone.
After the plates were cleared away,
Mei-Hua waited for a commercial
break.
“I would like to visit the library
tonight,” she said to her husband.
“Perhaps my daughter will be there.”
Ron blew smoke at the ceiling. “I
don't know how you expect to know
which little China girl is your daughter.”
“I will know her,” she answered. “A
mother always knows,” she added
with more confidence than she felt.
“You gave her up when she was a
baby. You're not even sure she's
living in America, much less here in
Omaha.”
“I know she is in America. The
agency promised me her new parents
were Americans.”
“And you believed them?” he
laughed. “They probably tell everyone
how their kid is going to have it great
in America. You're so gullible.”
“Before we married, you promised I
could look for her,” she replied.
“Was I gullible to believe you?”
Ron shook his head. “Go ahead, but
I'm staying here,” he said.
Mei-Hua left the house to walk to the
library. As she started down the
street, Alan Stansky waved from his
porch. “Good evening Beautiful
Flower,” he called out, speaking the
translation of her name. “Where are
you going?”
“To the library to look for my
daughter.”
“May I go with you? I could use a
good book on mathematics.”
“Yes please. I would like the
company.”
The library was only a few minutes
walk away.
“Do you know what the chances are
that you'll ever find her?” Alan asked.
He knew about the adoption and why
she had come to America, why she'd
married Ron.
“It is infinitesimally small. But I am
not a worthy person if I do not try.”
“You are trying. So you are a worthy
person,” Alan said.
“My first husband did not think so. I
did not give him a son, so he sent our
baby girl to the adoption agency. I
would not sleep with him after that, so
he sent me away too.”
Alan didn't say anything.
“Even if I fail to find her,” she
continued, “I have the comfort of
walking under the same sky” -- she
waved above -- “my Zhen stands
beneath, somewhere in America. That
is what brought me here; that is what
keeps me here ... despite everything.”
Alan knew “everything” was Ron.
“You don't need to stay with him,”
Alan said.
“He will have me sent back to China,
away from this comforting sky, if I
don't stay with him. I can endure it.”
Alan touched her forearm gently. “If
you need any help ... with anything ...
please just call me. Anytime.”
They reached the library. Alan
browsed through mathematics and
engineering books; Mei-Hua walked
through the children's section then
spent time on the internet. Searching
adoption support web sites and other
records. After a while they walked
back together. The sun was setting in
the west lighting the clear sky with
golden tones.
During the night, Mei-Hua dreamt of
Zhen playing in a schoolyard. The sun
was shining, glistening in her long
black hair. In the dream, Mei-Hua
could see her and hear her but could
not speak or move. Zhen laughed
with delight; a happy child. In the
dream Zhen was in Eldorado Springs,
Colorado.
Ron noticed his wife was a little
distracted while making breakfast.
“What's the matter with you?” he
asked after she spilled his orange
juice. “That stuff doesn't grow on
trees, you know.”
She didn't understand what he
meant. Of course oranges and their
juice grew on trees. The English
language was complicated. Why
could he not learn Chinese? She
looked puzzled.
He tried again. “That stuff costs
money which I worked hard to get.”
Once again she didn't understand.
He had no job and did not work. He
got money from the government by
saying he could not walk or drive. But
he could do both. A Chinese man
would not lie about such things, it
would shame his family.
“You do not work,” she said, stating
the obvious.
“Dammit woman! I got hurt on the
job and they pay me now because I
can't work anymore. It's not
complicated.”
“Yes, I understand,” was all she said.
Mei-Hua thought about her dream all
day. At dinner that night, she carefully
approached the idea of a road trip to
her husband.
“I have been thinking,” she began,
“that you are right: Zhen is not in
Omaha.”
“Finally, you're coming to your
senses.”
“I would like to start looking in other
places.”
Ron was almost struck dumb. “You
mean drive all over looking for this
girl?”
“Yes, look for my daughter. I would
like to visit other places.”
“No!” he shouted abruptly, trying to
put an end to the discussion.
“Why not? The government pays
you not to work, so we can do this
instead.”
“We can't afford gas and restaurants
and hotels while you drive around on a
pipe dream.”
She pointed to his beer. “We can
afford beer, but not for you to keep
your promise to me.”
“Oh right then, let me change my
answer,” he said. “Hell no!”
Mei-Hua had the dream again that
night. Zhen was in the schoolyard,
running and laughing. Again, Mei-Hua
could not move or speak. And in the
dream her daughter was close enough
to touch. In Eldorado Springs,
Colorado.
She passed the day slowly watching
the cigarette smoke and beer bubbles
float upward, while the people on
television talked about themselves.
One show was about people finding
wealth and success by starting their
own business. This was later in the
day and Ron, after quite a few beers,
started shouting at the television.
“Who gave you the money to start
|
that website, huh?”
“All I need is one lucky break like
that and I can be rich too.”
He squinted through his beer. “I've
got the rainbow, now where's my pot
of gold?”
Mei-Hua walked down to the library
again. Alan came along.
“I finished those books already,” he
explained.
“I dreamt of Zhen,” she said. “I
know where she is. A place called
Eldorado Springs in Colorado.”
“A bit of drive. Will Ron take you?”
“Hell no,” she answered.
And he laughed.
She had the dream a third time. In
the morning she spoke again of
traveling, suggesting she could go by
herself. Ron answered, “Is this the
part of 'no' you don't understand?”
And he hit her.
Alan noticed the bruise and scar on
Mei-Hua's face the next morning as
she brought the trash to the bin..
“What happened?” he asked.
“Nothing. An accident.”
“When you lie about how you got
hurt, you are just like Ron lying about
being unable to work.”
“He said if I tell anyone, he will send
me back to China."
That was enough of an admission for
Alan. “He punched you with his left
hand. The ring cut into your
cheekbone.” He touched the scar on
her right cheek gently.
She looked down. “Don't tell
anyone.”
Alan took her left hand and held her
wedding band between his fingers.
“Leave it to Ron Anderson to hit his
wife with his wedding ring.”
“Don't tell anyone,” she said again.
"I can endure this too," she added.
He let go of her ring.
“You know that Ron was married
before,” he said.
“This he told me.”
“His wife left him, probably because
he hit her or maybe just because he's
an asshole.”
Mei-Hua wondered if Alan was
telling her to leave her husband.
“His wife took their daughter when
she left,” he said.
“I did not know he had a daughter.
He has never said anything about her.”
“They – the ex-wife and the girl –
live a few miles from here. But he
never sees either of them. At least
that's what he told me. 'Good bye
and good riddance' is how he put it.”
“They must have hurt him terribly for
him to say such things.”
“Yes, and that's why he married
you: Because you will never leave
him,” Alan said.
Mei-Hua walked around the
neighborhood that day. She stopped
from time-to-time at tag sales and in
second-hand shops. At one of the
shops she found a collection of old
Chinese books and papers. She
loved the old things, evoking a
nostalgic feeling for simpler times
when people were kinder. Or so she
imagined at any rate. She smiled.
The shopkeeper saw her interest.
“Twenty-five,” he said.
“I'm sorry, I have no money. My
husband ... we are poor,” she
answered.
He pointed to the pin she was
wearing. It was handmade by a
craftsman in Chen Du depicting a
snowy mountain. “Trade?” he asked.
For the next few days, Mei-Hua
read through the old books during the
day and went to the library in the
evening. She avoided her husband as
much as possible and didn't see Alan
either. She was absorbed in another
world.
“Husband,” she announced one
evening. “There is something
interesting in this book.”
“Like what?”
“An interesting story about a train
robbery and buried gold.”
“So? I've seen 'The Good the Bad
and The Ugly' – Clint Eastwood, good
flick.”
“But this is a true story.” She held
up the book. “And I know where the
gold is buried. We can get it.”
He took the book from her and
flipped through the pages.
“It's written in Chinese. How am I
supposed to read it?”
“How fortunate you have a Chinese
wife.” She took the book back and
opened to a marked page. “It's a
diary...”
June 12, 1870
Today we rob the Denver train. It will
have much gold aboard. I hope I do
not dishonor my new friends as they
are depending on me to help carry the
gold away on our horses. I have
worked hard to earn their trust and do
not want to disappoint them. I would
like the gold too.
June 14, 1870
An excellent success. We emptied the
train of gold and no one was hurt. I
am carrying fifty jin (“a jin is about a
pound”, she explained) of gold. I
think I am being followed by railroad
guards. I will ride into the mountains
to escape them.
June 15, 1870
Dear Mei Mei (“means little sister”), I
am afraid they will catch me and kill
me. They do not like Chinese, even
though we built the railroad. If I do
not live, I hope you get this diary and
my other things. I have buried the
gold in a special place you can find. If
you are fortunate and can get this
gold, use it to have a better life. Here
is where to dig...
“He has written exact instructions,”
Mei-Hua said. “But no map. I think
he didn't want the railroad guards to
see a map.”
“This whole thing could be a fake,”
Ron said. “Or someone else found it.
Or ... or the little sister got this diary
and dug it up herself.”
“Yes, it could be a fake,” said Mei-
Hua. “But I looked on the internet. A
train was robbed on that date. One of
the robbers – a Chinese man -- was
shot dead by the guards a few days
later. The newspaper said he did not
have any gold with him. But I don't
know if the sister ever got the diary.
Or read it. Or dug anything up.”
“It's been over a hundred years.
There's probably a McDonald's there
now.”
“No,” Mei-Hua said. “I looked at
satellite pictures. It is a park. Nothing
has ever been built.”
Ron thought it sounded too good to
be true. An old diary with directions
to a buried treasure appears from out
of nowhere. Too good to be true.
“Where is this pot of gold?” he
asked.
“Eldorado Springs, Colorado,” Mei-
Hua answered.
They were loading the car early the
next morning when Alan came out.
Mei-Hua was struggling to load
shovels and some other tools into the
car.
“Need some help?” he asked.
“Sure,” Ron answered.
Alan started toward Mei-Hua.
“Not that,” Ron said. “She's fine.”
He lowered his voice. “I'm trying to
take the wife on a little vacation but
the thing is ... could you loan me some
dough to cover gas and maybe a
hotel? I hate to sleep in the car. If
things go the way they should, I can
pay you back double in a few weeks.”
Alan wondered just what Ron
needed a vacation from. He stroked
his chin. “Shovels on vacation? I
think you do not understand what that
'vacation' means.”
“We're going to Eldorado Springs,”
|
Mei-Hua shouted.
“Yeah, you can pan for gold and
stuff like that there,” Ron added by
way of explanation.
Alan thought for a moment. “I
understand,” he said. “I can see why
you'll need some extra money. Be
right back.”
He went in his house and came back
with a handful of cash. “It's all I have
just now.” He held it toward Mei-
Hua then Ron then back and forth.
Ron finally took the money.
“Thank man,” Ron said. “Youknow
I'm good for it.”
They got in the car.
“Well I really hope you find what
you're looking for,” Alan said in a
friendly tone. Then he looked at Mei-
Hua and added, “Wo ai ni.”
She turned sharply to look at him,
then blushed.
“What's that mean?” Ron asked.
“It just means drive carefully,” Mei-
Hua answered quickly.
The drive took six hours.
As they neared Eldorado Springs,
Mei-Hua asked if she could look
around town before they went into the
park. Ron refused. He said they
could do that afterwards. “Hell,” he
promised, “if the gold's here, I'll buy
you the whole damn town.”
They pulled into Eldorado Springs
State Park in the early afternoon.
With a little subterfuge, they were able
to hike up into the woods carrying the
pick and shovel.
“Are you sure of these directions?”
Ron asked.
She opened the book. “Walk five li
– about a mile – along the creek.
Turn north where the creek bends.
Walk a half li further. Dig at the west
face of the large triangle rock. The
gold is a chi – not far -- down.”
They saw the triangular rock. Ron
ran ahead.
Surprisingly, Ron did most of the
work. After an hour of digging with
nothing found, he asked again: “Are
you sure about the directions?”
“Yes, I am absolutely sure this is the
spot. Maybe the someone else found
it. Maybe he came back for it.
Maybe he made the whole story up to
drive his sister crazy.”
Ron narrowed his eyes. “How
could he come back for it if he was
killed by the railroad guards?”
“Who said he was killed?”
“You did, yesterday.” He thought
for a moment then realized what she
had done. “Was the diary and the
whole story just one big lie?” he asked.
“Yes,” Mei-Hua admitted. “I
wanted to look for Zhen here in
Colorado.”
“So you lied to me, your husband.”
“Yes.” She looked down.
“Mei-Hua,” Ron said, using her
name, “you should let go of your
daughter. Live your own life.”
“I do not wish to 'let go' like you did
with your daughter, a girl you never
talk about.”
Ron was taken aback that she
knew. “Let's leave her out of this.”
“A girl who wonders where is her
father.”
“No, she doesn't wonder about
that. She said she loved me, but that
was a lie. She moved on, has a new
family, happy as can be. She's gone.”
“Maybe you can pretend you have
no daughter, but I cannot. I cannot
forget her.”
“Don't bother to look for her.
You're never going to find her. And if
you do, why would she want to see
you?“ Ron was getting angry.
Mei-Hua shouted out. “My
daughter wants her mother.
Daughters always want their mother.”
“Listen to me,” Ron shouted.
“Your daughter doesn't want to see
you ever again. She does not want
you." He thought for a moment. "You
threw her away!”
He had gone too far.
“NO!” Mei-Hua fell to her knees,
sobbing. “I will never give up my
daughter. I will never give up my
daughter. Oh Zhen, Zhen, Zhen, dui
bu qi, dui bu qi, please forgive me.”
She cried and cried, then pulled her
wedding ring off and threw it at him.
It bounced off his chest and landed in
the hole. “I throw you away! Go.
Go! You are not my husband
anymore.”
Ron shook his head and walked
away, back to the car, back to
Omaha, alone; leaving Mei-Hua crying
in an empty forest.
Later, in the remaining daylight, Mei-
Hua walked back into the town of
Eldorado Springs. She found the
schoolyard. The sun shone brightly
against the deep blue late afternoon
sky. She sat on a bench.
A family was playing with a ball and
frisbee. A father, mother, son and
daughter. The daughter was Asian,
the others typical European
Americans. Mei-Hua watched the girl
with all the love that she'd held in heart
for so long.
“Throw it to me, Daddy!” the girl
called out with delight. “Throw it to
me!”
The man tossed the ball toward her.
She missed and it rolled toward the
bench, coming to rest a short distance
away. The girl ran over, her long
black hair glistening in the sun, laughter
on her face and in her step. She
noticed Mei-Hua watching her and
stopped to look back.
“You look like me,” she finally said.
The girl was happy, with a family
that loved her and would never leave
her. She had nice clothes and plenty
of food. She would go to a good
school, get good grades, meet a good
boy.
Mei-Hua didn't want to say or do
anything that would take any of that
away. She sat silent, unable to speak,
unable to move.
“Amelia,” the American mother
called. “Get the ball.”
“OK, Mommy,” she called back,
still looking an Mei-Hua. “Goodbye,”
she said and ran back to her family.
"Goodbye," Mei-Hua whispered
quietly. “Wo ai ni."
It was dark when she walked away
to find a telephone. Alan had said to
call anytime.
|